It’s not easy getting back together with your partner or spouse who has cheated on you. Maybe you threw them out of the house or apartment. Maybe they chose to leave to see what could come out of their clandestine affair. But if you are faced with the possibility of reconciliation after being cheated on, you have to carefully reassess the situation, your feelings, their qualities and others who may be hurt by your break up or even the make up. When there are children involved, the decision is all that more difficult to make. You may not want to stay with a cheat but do you want to rob your child of a full time parent, especially if your partner was a great parent.

First Me

Being selfish and putting your needs and wants first is not always a bad thing. It is pointless taking back a cheating partner when you will be miserable, and probably make them miserable as well. In the end, the misery will just filter through to every part of the relationship and your life. Even if you have a child, your kid may rather have two happy parents living apart rather than quarreling parents under the same roof. However there is a limit to how selfish you can be? Don’t be ridiculous in any claims or conditions you may make in order to take back a cheating spouse. Be realistic. You either want to be in the relationship with that person or not. Don’t think that terms and conditions will improve anything or make the past go away. And taking back a cheating partner is not a licence for you to torture them emotionally.

Relationship Guarantees

There is NO guarantees in life. Not when it comes to people. Not when it involves emotions. And definitely not when you have a partner who has a wandering eye. It my make you feel a little better to have the cheating party promise that they will never do it again. You may feel that a new “expression of your love” by either getting engaged, moving in together, getting married or even having a baby seals the deal that he or she will not cheat again. This is just you being delusional. If you need to guarantee your partner’s fidelity then you are wasting your time and theirs. This is not what relationships are about. You either need to trust that your partner will not do it again (a difficult task) or let your partner go free. Don’t try to hold onto a relationship and just get deeper into circumstances in the hope of a guarantee to ensure that the situation will never repeat itself.

Identify the Problem

You need to ask yourself why you partner cheated. And then you need to get a straight answer from your partner. Maybe he is tired of looking at you all day in those grubby rags. Maybe she was wooed by the new hot guy in the office. Whatever the case, there is a reason. Sometimes it can be more complicated relating to intimacy issues between a couple. And at other times it may just be straightforward lust. Whatever the cause or reason, you have to find out. The fact that you did not see  this coming means that you don’t know your partner as well as you thought. You obviously don’t know what makes them tick. Or your relationship is not worth enough that they will sacrifice it for a quick roll in the hay. Of course, this may be all too simple. There may be many other serious, complex and deep seated issues that led to infidelity. Whether that can ever be an excuse to cheat is left to the individuals, not to their friends, family and the rest of the peanut gallery.

Reconciliation after Cheating

It is difficult to take back a person once they have cheated. Even if your anger subsides, just knowing that they have been intimate with another person, probably enjoyed it and hid it is in a way, a violation of your emotions. What you thought existed, what you felt for your partner, what you believed was mutual – it all suddenly becomes a question of whether you imagined it or is it all gone forever.

Being intimate with that person will be the most difficult part of your relationship. Knowing that they are touching you with the same hands, sharing the same passion and saying the same loving words that they shared with another person is hard for any sincere person to accept. But if you are thinking of getting back with your cheating partner, it is important to realize that letting them back through that door is only one step to the start of a whole new relationship.