Injured Hearts » marriage http://www.injuredhearts.com Just another WordPress weblog Thu, 02 Jun 2011 09:32:48 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 How To Deal With A Nagging Partner http://www.injuredhearts.com/how-to-deal-with-a-nagging-partner.htm http://www.injuredhearts.com/how-to-deal-with-a-nagging-partner.htm#comments Sat, 20 Mar 2010 10:47:46 +0000 Amy http://www.sorrynotes.com/?p=135 The word ‘nag’ usually conjures up an images of an upset woman pestering her frustrated husband who somehow manages to block off the irritating voice. However men, just as much as women, tend to practice this behavior. Nagging is not always a verbal action although in most instances it involves the repeated ‘harping’ around a single sore point. Sometimes the action, without words, is intended to highlight this contentious issue again and again. No matter which way your partner nags, verbal or non-verbal, the intent is the same – your partner wants you to respond, either by taking action against the offending agent, saying you are sorry or comforting them.

Dealing with a nagging partner can be difficult, especially if you have an overemotional or even aggressive person on your hands. Depending on how much a situation has bothered your partner, he/she may go on for hours or days about the same issue, just sulk constantly, constantly bring up the problem or even work themselves up about it repeatedly till they resort to some form of abuse.

Nagging is not only about what your partner does and says to you. Nagging actually stems from within your partner’s mind. The issue or problem is playing in their mind to such a degree that after a while they have to enact it – either by tormenting you or lashing out at others. Different things bother different people. Of course, there are some things that bother all of us – like an affair, flirting with an old flame, boozing with your buddies without calling home first. And then there are some partners who are perturbed by the smallest thing – you left the cap off the toothpaste tube, you did not get the car washed or you told your mother exactly what you were wearing today.

The offense varies but the punishment is usually the same – a repeated verbal/non-verbal bashing. Your partner feels that by eliciting a response from you, then they can put the matter to rest in their mind. They do not realize that the problem may only be perceived at times and the issue lies more with their emotions and in their mind than it does in reality. So now that you understand why they do it, what can you do to deal with it?

First placate the situation and pacify the situation. If she expects you to say sorry, then do it. If he expects you to admit you were wrong then just say it. Once you have calmed your partner down, try to discuss their behavior with them in a rational manner. Never lash back or start nagging them about other issues. This just leads to conflict.

Second, if they are willing to address the problem, try to find out why a small issue becomes such a big deal. Maybe it is an issue from childhood or a bad experience in a previous relationship. Remember that if you are openly flirting with her sister then you are sure to get nagged about it for the rest of your life. Sometimes there is no past event that triggered this response but rather an insecurity within your partner. Nagging is a form of control and they feel that if they can get you to bend to their will, even for the most mundane things, then they have control.

Thirdly discuss how you feel when you are being nagged and explain that the situation cannot go on. Some people do not realize just how deeply their nagging can impact another. Address the issue in a calm manner when tempers are cooled and the situation is peaceful. If at the end of the day all your efforts proved fruitless, then you have to be straightforward with your partner and express your unhappiness about their behavior. This may prompt them to look more carefully at why they nag and be open to addressing the issue or risk losing you.

]]> http://www.injuredhearts.com/how-to-deal-with-a-nagging-partner.htm/feed 0 Date Your Spouse http://www.injuredhearts.com/date-your-spouse.htm http://www.injuredhearts.com/date-your-spouse.htm#comments Wed, 14 Oct 2009 05:52:58 +0000 admin http://www.injuredhearts.com/?p=84 Two questions: 1. Can you remember your courting days before you were married? 2. Can you remember the last time you and your spouse dated each other? I bet you answered yes to question 1 and no to question 2. It is a sad fact of married life that couples stop dating each other. And those who do usually stop once they have been married a short while. I believe every married couple should go on date together at least once a month.

Why dating is good for your marriage

1. You get to spend some time together away from family and friends.
2. It keeps passion in your marriage.
3. It can be exciting.
4. It stops boredom settling in.
5. It`s a good excuse to dress up.
6. And it`s good for your sex life.

Can you remember the good old days when you spent hours deciding what to wear and changing a million times before opting for the first one you tried on? How you felt like you had butterflies doing triple somersaults inside your stomach. Well let the old feelings come back and get excited and nervous.

Arrange a date with your husband and keep to it. Remember this is a date so meet him at your chosen destination. You could get ready at your friend`s house or get him to get ready at his friends.

Take time to prepare for your date. Take the day off work and have your hair done. Spend an hour in the bath and pamper yourself.

Hold hands, open doors for each other and lock arms. Be excited and enthusiastic about your date.

If you have children ask your relatives to have them over night or better still for the weekend and make the most of your time together.

]]> http://www.injuredhearts.com/date-your-spouse.htm/feed 0 Dealing with Divorce & Relationship Break Up http://www.injuredhearts.com/dealing-with-divorce-relationship-break-up.htm http://www.injuredhearts.com/dealing-with-divorce-relationship-break-up.htm#comments Thu, 23 Jul 2009 10:31:29 +0000 Amy http://sorrynotes.com/?p=32 A relationship break up is always very hard to handle whether it be the break up of a month-old relationship or a separation from a partner after divorce. While the severity of grief may vary, there is no doubt that the break up of a relationship can turn your world upside down. However, as heart breaking as it is, it is important not to let things get out of control and there are certain steps you can take to help you get through this difficult time.

Feeling Sad After Relationship Break Up Or Divorce

When a marriage ends in divorce or a relationship results in a break up, it is absolutely natural to feel sad and grieve for your loss. It is important that you let yourself be sad as there is nothing shameful about it. You may not want to acknowledge your grief as the feelings over the break up are very intense or you are not sure if you can deal with the pain of your marriage ending in a divorce. The prospect of letting your emotions show may be scary but it is important to let the grief out rather than keeping it bottle up inside you. Acknowledging your grief over the relationship break up or divorce is the first step to help you let go of your old relationship and eventually move on.

Break Up And Divorce Support Network

Handling a break up or a divorce may be too hard to do on your own and that is why you need a support network. This support network could be a member of the family or a friend who will literally and figuratively hold your hand through the break up or divorce. If you would rather not talk with family and friends, you can always reach out to support groups made up of individuals who have recently gone through a relationship break up or a divorce themselves. You can also see a counselor if you think it might help to deal with the grief of your break up.

Relationship Break Up : Don’t Play The Blame game

After a relationship break up, it is common for people to scrutinize every little detail about what went wrong. Why did the marriage end in divorce? Why did the relationship have to break up? Some people blame the ex for everything that is wrong while others go overboard blaming themselves for the relationship break up and neither is a wise choice. Instead of focusing on what went wrong with your relationship, focus your energies on moving on from the break up and looking at all the new things life has to offer.

At the end of the day, no matter whose fault the break up is, the relationship is over or the marriage has ended in divorce. Take your time to grieve but focus on moving on with life because life has so much more to offer you and it could be a new relationship and even marriage!

]]> http://www.injuredhearts.com/dealing-with-divorce-relationship-break-up.htm/feed 0 Apology Letter to Your Wife http://www.injuredhearts.com/apology-letter-to-your-wife.htm http://www.injuredhearts.com/apology-letter-to-your-wife.htm#comments Fri, 26 Jun 2009 19:28:40 +0000 Amy http://www.sorrynotes.com/?p=129 Fights among spouses are a common occurrence. Living together in close quarters will undoubtedly raise tensions and with a husband and wife, many additional issues tend to impact on the relationship. If you have been at fault or feel the need to be the first to extend a hand of reconciliation, a letter to your wife should be carefully constructed to achieve your goals. An apology itself is just a word or a few words but the intention it carries and the impact that it will have is the point to consider.

Emphasize your Feelings

It is always good to start a letter to somebody close to you with a reaffirmation of your feelings. Do not make assumptions about their feelings but highlight how you feel about your wife. Tell her again what made you fall in love with her, thank her for her support throughout all these years and highlight her strengths. This makes for a good starting point and will ‘soften’ her up a bit to read on and be more willing to reconcile, rather than antagonizing her even more.

Apologize for your Insults and Outburst

Irrespective of who was more at fault in the argument or fight, it is important to placate the other party. Apologize for your bad behavior. Maybe you hurled a couple of insults or had an outburst that was totally out of proportion. Apologize for it. Make sure that you come across as sincere about your behavior and do not try to allocate blame. Do not make any excuses for your outburst or insults. If you were in the wrong, accept it, apologize for it and promise that you will not do it again, only if you are sure you can keep that promise. Remember that in any conflict, both parties believe that they are in the right and that their actions are justified. The reality is that if you actions were provocative, you ultimately contributed to a simple debate or even an argument spiraling into a fight. Yes, you wife may also be in the wrong but this is your apology letter. Let her apologize in her own way and in her own time.

Remember the Good Times

It is always a good idea to remember the happy times, the times when you and your wife overcame obstacles and hardships in life. Do not start recalling past incidents that were nasty and which was her fault. Mudslinging and digging up old dirt is not reconciliatory. It may be helpful to remind your wife of how you overcame similar circumstances that may be the cause of the most recent fight. Once again, praise her for her strength and ability to handle past situations with some degree of success. Yes, you may have to fib a little. But everybody appreciates the recognition for past achievements.

Gift, Date or Just a Quiet Night Together

While an apology letter to your wife is a huge gesture, which is often more appreciated by females than it would be by a male, adding a little extra incentive is always helpful. Send the letter with a gift or inform her of the romantic date that you are setting up at her favorite restaurant. You do not even have to spend money when making up. A quiet night at home, watching her favorite movie or just chatting over a simple dinner is often appreciated as much, if not more.

Keep your letter simple. Keep it short but not too short where it appears to be a quick scribble in-between your meetings. It must express your sincerity and remind her that you love her. It should bring across the fact that you and your wife are couple, a single unit, that may have differences of opinion but at the end of the day, you still want to be part of the unit.

]]> http://www.injuredhearts.com/apology-letter-to-your-wife.htm/feed 0 Reconciliation Letters for Separations in Marriage http://www.injuredhearts.com/reconciliation-letters-for-separations-in-marriage.htm http://www.injuredhearts.com/reconciliation-letters-for-separations-in-marriage.htm#comments Sat, 13 Jun 2009 19:46:16 +0000 Amy http://sorrynotes.com/?p=112 Separations in marriage can be very painful and if you have no one to go to for reconciliation advice then things can get even harder to handle. The best bit of reconciliation advice we can give you is writing a sorry letter to express how deeply apologetic you are.

Reconciliation Advice – Right Time For An Apology Letter

Sorry notes should be timed perfectly. If you take too long to say “I’m sorry”, things could get worse for your marriage. However, sending your partner a very hurried apology letter pretty much as soon as you have decided to separate does not appear genuine either.

Obviously separations in marriage are meant to be a time when you take reconciliation advice, think about what is going wrong and try to make things work for the sake of your marriage. So take a couple of days to think things through and then pen a letter saying sorry for everything you are doing wrong. Taking a few days to write a letter will show your partner you really put some thought into the sorry note. However, don’t take months to write that first sorry letter or it could be too late.

What To Write In Sorry Notes

Whether you seek reconciliation advice from your closest friends or rely on internet forums for a helping hand with your sorry notes; they will all tell you the same thing – your apology letter must be genuine. Separations in marriage occur for different reasons and if you are looking to reconcile with your partner, you need to address your problems and show your partner you are willing to make an effort to change things.

Don’t just spout empty words of apology in your I’m sorry letter but make it truly heartfelt, talking about how much you miss your partner, how much you love them, why you want this marriage to work and how you are going do it.

Don’t Play the Blame Game In A Sorry Letter

Don’t let your ego come in the way of saying sorry to your estranged partner. The best reconciliation advice we can give you is to leave you ego at home. If you are saying “I’m sorry” – mean it! Don’t apologize and then follow it up with a “but you did this too”. Accept your mistakes and express how sorry you are about it.

It does not have to be poetic or professionally done. Your sorry letter has to be an expression of your love for your partner and if your partner can feel your grief about being separated, it will be a perfect apology letter.

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