The word ‘nag’ usually conjures up an images of an upset woman pestering her frustrated husband who somehow manages to block off the irritating voice. However men, just as much as women, tend to practice this behavior. Nagging is not always a verbal action although in most instances it involves the repeated ‘harping’ around a single sore point. Sometimes the action, without words, is intended to highlight this contentious issue again and again. No matter which way your partner nags, verbal or non-verbal, the intent is the same – your partner wants you to respond, either by taking action against the offending agent, saying you are sorry or comforting them.

Dealing with a nagging partner can be difficult, especially if you have an overemotional or even aggressive person on your hands. Depending on how much a situation has bothered your partner, he/she may go on for hours or days about the same issue, just sulk constantly, constantly bring up the problem or even work themselves up about it repeatedly till they resort to some form of abuse.

Nagging is not only about what your partner does and says to you. Nagging actually stems from within your partner’s mind. The issue or problem is playing in their mind to such a degree that after a while they have to enact it – either by tormenting you or lashing out at others. Different things bother different people. Of course, there are some things that bother all of us – like an affair, flirting with an old flame, boozing with your buddies without calling home first. And then there are some partners who are perturbed by the smallest thing – you left the cap off the toothpaste tube, you did not get the car washed or you told your mother exactly what you were wearing today.

The offense varies but the punishment is usually the same – a repeated verbal/non-verbal bashing. Your partner feels that by eliciting a response from you, then they can put the matter to rest in their mind. They do not realize that the problem may only be perceived at times and the issue lies more with their emotions and in their mind than it does in reality. So now that you understand why they do it, what can you do to deal with it?

First placate the situation and pacify the situation. If she expects you to say sorry, then do it. If he expects you to admit you were wrong then just say it. Once you have calmed your partner down, try to discuss their behavior with them in a rational manner. Never lash back or start nagging them about other issues. This just leads to conflict.

Second, if they are willing to address the problem, try to find out why a small issue becomes such a big deal. Maybe it is an issue from childhood or a bad experience in a previous relationship. Remember that if you are openly flirting with her sister then you are sure to get nagged about it for the rest of your life. Sometimes there is no past event that triggered this response but rather an insecurity within your partner. Nagging is a form of control and they feel that if they can get you to bend to their will, even for the most mundane things, then they have control.

Thirdly discuss how you feel when you are being nagged and explain that the situation cannot go on. Some people do not realize just how deeply their nagging can impact another. Address the issue in a calm manner when tempers are cooled and the situation is peaceful. If at the end of the day all your efforts proved fruitless, then you have to be straightforward with your partner and express your unhappiness about their behavior. This may prompt them to look more carefully at why they nag and be open to addressing the issue or risk losing you.